Crazy! Thanks to Emma for this submission!
Guys, I’m eating cookies and milk and my cat is watching me.
I know she’s just waiting for me to drop the cookie inside the milk so it can get all mushy and then I’ll have to take it out with a spoon.
I just know that’s what she’s waiting for.
And then it’ll probably happen and she’ll just be like, ugh, moron, way to drop your cookie into the glass of milk. Oh, now you’re going to try to fish it out with a spoon? You seem to think you’re a clever human, don’t you? Well you’re not, because if you were a clever human then you wouldn’t have dropped your cookie into your glass of milk. I can’t believe this is the loser that pours me food everyday, I mean how are you even smart enough to open a bag of cat food if you’re not smart enough to not drop your cookie into your glass of milk?
Guys, remember the edible cell? Truly the most delicious of all elementary school science projects. Looking at these is making me so nostalgic, I want to plan an edible cell party where everyone has to bring one.
(Full disclosure: one of these is a professional job. Don’t feel bad if yours looked more like this.)
Guys, we are learning about flatworms in biology class.
…and how they are most commonly found in meat…
…I have roast beef for lunch…
Never before has roast beef seemed less appetizing.
